One Lovely spring morning in the beautiful forest of whauppul Jauppu in some part of the southeast corner of Middlesex England, Blanche and Skipperdoo were enjoying a relaxing walk through the pretty pink flowering trees, to find the perfect picnic spot. After enjoying the different arrays of plantish beauty they picked out just such a spot in the shade of a not-there tree. As they went to sit down they saw a clan of moss bunny’s bouncing about. They stopped to watch there new fuzzy and adorable friends, but when they turned around to start their long awaited feast, they found that it had been carried off by a colony of ants. “Oh dear! Lets go out in search of some nuts and berries skiperdoo, so as to see that we don’t starve.”
So Blanche and her stupid companion went on a quest to find another source of vittles. After several hours of no luck they stumbled upon a deep pit, shrouded in mist which descended into the earth, for as far as the eye could see. Blanche dropped a rock down the chasm to see if she could hear it hit the bottom, but all the cave uttered in return was a deathly cold silence. “Come on Skip, lets go down and see if there are some nuts and berries down there.” (Now at this point if Skipperdoo could talk he would have said something like, “you’re an idiot… I hate you.” But he can’t so he barked).
Blanche began her cautious descent down into the billowing cavern, which seemed to be a portal to the center of the earth, one that had not been disturbed by outsiders since the creation thereof. There were many strange creatures in the cave, including a species of mold, which had the power to cure lactose intolerant patients, which blanche and Skippy passed right by, completely oblivious to its medicinal properties. It eventually got to the point where Blanche and Skip were cold, tired, very hungry and very lost, not knowing weather they had been down there for hours or days, for there was no sunlight.
Suddenly there came a gurgling rumble from somewhere in the chasm, it was the most terrifying thing Blanche had ever heard. What was it! Had they awakened something that most definitely did not want to be disturbed? Then as they were attempting to get out of the cave as fast as they could there came a voice, the most eerie, scratchy, evil sounding voice that could possibly be imagined. “Who dares enter my domain! Speak or die!” was a voice which pierced Blanche to the core and filled her with fear. Out of the pit rose a creature so fowl, so terrible that the thing would have made the devil himself tremble. The eyes screamed mal-intent, and there was hatred in the very breathe of it. It was so terrifying that Blanche could provide no description of it whatsoever, indeed there were no words in the English language, or any other tongue to describe its horribleness, but instead is left completely to the imagination. In fact Blanche could not even think of anything to call this new foe except only that of “The”.
Blanche picked up her now passed out puppy and ran faster than she had ever run before up to the surface, with “The” in hot pursuit, gurgleing and screaming like a banchee. She reached the surface and took refuge under an umbrella. When “The” came to the surface for the first time in eons, the sun was so new and bright that it burned his eyes out, and the smell “The” brought which had been lying dormant for so long, killed all surrounding plant life. Finally Blanche saw “The” in the full majesty of The’s horribleness.
It was written, in some ancient native texts, suspected to be myth that “The” was the most wretched creature in the universe and had a deep knowledge of all miserable, dingy, pungent, malicious and criminal things that could be conceived. He reaked with all manner of disease, like the black plague, (and athletes foot), which he spread like wildfire in the 1300’s, and was in the workings of some of the most wicked practices in History. It is also widely speculated that “The” played a major role in the start of the French Revolution, and is also credited for the invention of the rubber raft as well as the grass roof, of which “The” denies any affiliation.
No one has been able to explain exactly why “The” is so evil. Although many believe that this rage is derived from jealousy because of the fact that “The’s” cousin “It” (who is substantially better looking) landed a leading role in the smash hit comedy “The Adams Family” but no other reasonable explanation has been given for this behavior other than that “The” is mean because he can be.
“The” told Blanche that because she had entered his domain, she must suffer the pains of a most gruesome death. “The” declared that on the morrow, at exactly 7:00 in the morning, Blanche would have to engage in a duel with “The” to the death, gladiator style.
The two opponents were placed in separate tents for the night, in preparation for the battle that would surely ensue the following morning. As Blanche sat, contemplating her fate, her whole life seemed to flash before her eyes. All the great adventures that her and skipperdoo had experienced up to this point, all the memories and artifacts they had collected, her late husband, the farm, her childhood, parents, that gum ball that was still sitting on her dresser after two years, “I should finish that,” she thought to herself, and then she realized that there was not much time left, just a few short hours and Blanche would fight her last fight. For “The’s” powers were far beyond those of her own, she had never come across an opponent like “The” and had absolutely no chance of survival. This was sure to be the end of her.
She said her goodbyes to Skiperdoo and slowly drifted off to sleep, finally coming to terms with her inevitable destiny, she realized that she had lived a good life and was at peace with the world, she was ready.
Finally seven o’clock came and Blanche woke ready to face “The” and at least go out with a bang! Die with her boots on so to speak, but out on the battlefield there was silence, as “The” had snuck off in the dead of night to fulfill his life long dream of performing in the musical play “The Nutcracker” but not before eating Skipperdoo, along with the usual bowl of breakfast Wheaties. (Yes this time Skipperdoo is really dead)
Blanche was absolutely flabbergasted. As she returned home without her lifelong annoying little friend trying to piece together all the culminating events which led up to this surprising twist, all the while thinking “what just happened?” she stumbled upon an orangutan who was attempting to lob off his own arm with a grapefruit. She new immediately that the Orangutan had special powers, for he could make toast, and Blanche had never met an Orangutan who could make toast before (come to think of it, Blanche had never met an orangutan period) so naturally it must be of some magical value. She asked Ozwald, as she so deemed him, to join her in her travels, and become her sidekick, she also told him of all the events, which had just transpired, and about “The” and Ozwald agreed to join her.
Not much is known of the fate of “The” although it is widely rumored that “The” was cast in the play “The Nutcracker” and it was a huge success. “The” is now believed to have landed a role in the popular play “beauty and the beast” where “The” was cast in as Bell, and is everybody’s favorite.
As we return to Blanche and her newfound friend Ozwald, they are just returning home to Blanche’s beloved farm. And as they enter there is a clash of light as the red vacuum from episode 3 transforms the wall into a brilliant gateway, which appears to be some kind of portal to another world. Little did Blanche know, that a toast making Orangutan just happened to be the only key to unlock the powers of the vacuum (we told you the vacuum would come in handy).
Blanche and Ozwald starred in awe at this new find, then together linked arms and stepped through the door of their next adventure into the unknown…..
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