One fine summer day Blanche and Skiperdoo packed up and dawned their fuzzy mittens and overcoats, it being freezing cold outside, and made the long journey to attend to the plight of some native cliff dwelling people on the southern most part of a tiny island, just west of the mainland of a larger island nearer Guatemala.
These industrious peoples had built a large city right out of the side of the cliffs. The buildings were held together and connected only by bamboo, as well as magnetically reinforced titanium cables, artificially made of bamboo.
They harvested honey plants and ate the roots from the side of the cliffs, as well as the tails of the blue-footed gecko.
It was nearly paradise, except for a chronic problem. On a routinely basis, almost nightly, a deranged sleepwalker, sometimes dozens, would stagger over one of the rope bridges and plummet to their untimely demise. The generally accepted consensus among the villagers on these sleepy suicidal jumpers was that they must be dead; the bodies having been dashed against the jagged rocks below, it seemed like the logical conclusion. The statistics were catastrophic; in the past eight months they had lost nearly one. But their culture having kept no records, never knew by morning who was gone and who remained.
Blanche founded the first opu-opu community lemonade stand (for such was the name by which they were known.) and the problem was solved. She then told them of an Elvis Presley Concert in Memphis, which the villagers ecstatically decided unanimously to attend; they having no king of their own on a count that he had fallen to his death two weeks earlier without the knowledge of his people.
With the Opu-Opu gone, Blanche decided to take advantage of their hospitality and make waffles. She, while cooking the waffles, began to rummage through some of the natives effects. She found an old gene lamp, rubbed it and out flowed a gene, telling her he would grant her three wishes. Not being a fool Blanche knew there was no such thing as gene’s and told him “I don’t believe in gene’s, back in that lamp you!” and promptly hurled it out the window to its untimely demise. She then found a red vacuum, and decided to keep it. You never know when a red vacuum could come in handy.
She climbed down a rope ladder, carrying Skiperdoo in the pocket of her pantaloons. She climbed into a glass bottom canoe and was off down the river, far below the cliffs.
Being old and with failing eyesight she did not realize that the glass bottom canoe had no glass at all. And they began to sink. They were however saved by a three-finned blue turtle. However only having three fins, he had not the proper propulsion and therefore eventually went in circles.
He was the last of his kind, all the others having died. One can only get so far on 3 fins and natural selection had not been kind to them, having waited several thousand years for a fourth fin to appear.
On a side note Skiperdoo fell into the water and was devoured by sharks. So Blanche slowly drifted home on the back of the blue turtle. She became so hungry that she opened and ate everything in the red vacuum bag. When they reached land she gave the turtle her shoelace as a token of her good faith. She then ate the first turnip she came upon. But was chased off of the beach by a blind four horned cow named little Netty.
After wandering through a dark and dreary forest for who knows how long, filled with creatures, old hieroglyphs and signs of ancient barbaric people, she eventually came upon civilization. She attended a dinner theater on the edge of the dark forest. It was spectacular and well worth the ticket price. She met many people who complimented her on her red vacuum, how pristine it looked and made some new Mongol friends.
She returned home with a torn dress, a full stomach, some new native friends and a brand new old red vacuum. And also with the rest of Skiperdoo, for contrary to popular belief, he was not eaten entirely. The sharks only chomped off his back end, therefore forcing Blanche to have to get one of those little pet wheelchairs for animals with no back legs, for them to scoot around in, by walking with their front legs. It was a wonderfully emotionally exhilarating adventure for the both of them. And they fell asleep in each other’s arms watching Jeopardy.
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